Suing God

If you live long enough and you listen to the TV, you can at one point or another claim you have indeed, “heard it all.” That phrase has never meant as much to me as this past weekend when I was watching a weather report after another high-impact Colorado storm.

The young man giving the report was visibly exhausted from watching radar, Dopplers, and maps in an attempt to give accurate information. I could not help but feel sorry for this guy especially after he began responding to the people who sent communications complaining because they did not get the snow he originally forecasted for their area. What? Are you kidding me? Who finds fault with a weather person because the weather did not do what they were told (not promised) it could (not definitely would) do? In Colorado?

The poor man made a point of saying, “But you did get the amount of moisture.” Personally that confused me, but that is not the point here. What is going on in our world? I suppose next someone will sue the poor bugger because their crops did not grow or they were unable to impress the flatlander family members with a ski vacation in the high country.

Well, I say let em sue. But why settle for the guy/gal predicting the weather? Why not sue the person really responsible for it? God. You have to admit that whether you believe in God or not, this would be one case that could make the ratings of the O.J. Simpson trial seem puny.

I am not sure, and would love some feedback on, who would sit on the judge’s bench? Who would prosecute and who would defend God? I of course, old Perry Mason fan that I am, opt for Perry as defense attorney and his arch rival Hamilton Burger as prosecutor. They both joined the spirit world long ago but hey anything would be possible in this arena, right? As for the judge,perhaps we could talk BBC’s Judge John Deed into accepting the call. Although from watching this series, Judge Deed appears a little too wise to accept such an assignment.

Let’s move on to the jury. Surely all cable networks would suspend their coverage of the U.S. Senate, the British Parliament and the latest antics of the Kardashians in order to get a front row seat for jury selection. Anyone else out there willing to watch nonstop to see who gets picked as the 12 peers, tried and true, to do their civic duty?

The trial itself of course could be tricky because it is unlikely God will respond to the summons, put on the orange jump suit and stand in the docket. So then what? Ah ha – failure to appear and a bench warrant issued in big, bold letters and addressed to The Almighty. Tough to deliver that but perhaps the CBI agents of the Mentalist could get the job done and bring Him in as they seem to be good at finding the elusive among us. However, it did take them the better part of five years to round up Red John.

If the unlikely scenario plays out to render a conviction, how will God make restitution for not delivering the weather that He was expected to supply? Of course, of course, the only means of making things right in America – money $$$$$$. But who gets the check? Not sure God has a credit card. Better yet, how will it be cashed? Can you just imagine the sea of Paparrazi down at the First Bank on that day, trying to get a photo of all that money being cashed in? Remember God is loaded with dough and by all accounts places enormous value on it. Yeah, right.

Now, there may be people out there who find me disrespectful to the Creator as we journey along this happy trail to the Farm for the Bewildered. But I say, no. I believe God has an awesome sense of humor that He freely shares with us and asks us to share with others when our world tumbles down the unreal rabbit hole towards the land of the terminally ridiculous.

My purpose is never to disrespect God at all but rather to show who He really is in comparison to us. I bet, just bet, that if this whole sue-crazy culture really tried to pull this off, He would sit down, put up His Holy feet, open a good bottle of wine (maybe made from water), look at us and say, “Okay humans, bring it on.”

Copyright March 2013
llpadgett
Lakewood, CO 80401

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“Dolores, Like the River,” available at Westbow Press, Barnes & Noble, Amazon and all major online retailers. If you live in the U.S. and would like an autographed copy sent directly to you, click on the tab for buying books on my home page

The award-winning “Jesus in Shorts: Twenty-five Shorts Stories of Life-Changing Jesus Moments,” available now at Amazon and Barnes & Noble. If you live in the U.S. and would like an autographed copy sent directly to you, click on the tab for buying books on my home page. I will ship it to you after your purchase.