I stood on the periphery of a group trying to introduce myself and was met with handshakes from people who looked beyond me, barely acknowledged my presence, and then passed by. I felt invisible. I was supposed to meet a friend who asked me to teach a dance at this gathering, but she was not there. I was unable to get anyone to stop long enough to ask where she might be. I shrunk into the shadows to wait.
During the waiting period, a meal was served. I was not offered anything to eat or drink from the table. I was not offered a place to sit. I finally sat down at a table full of strangers and tried to start a conversation. No one noticed me.
I resisted the temptation to leave. I was hurt and embarrassed. My comrade showed up, almost twenty minutes late, and tried to introduce me to people at the tables. They nodded, said nothing to me, and continued with their own conversations.
In these situations it is not unlike me to make a remark like, “I know I’m short. Yo, down here. I forgot my bicycle flag today. ”
I was unable to speak. I was stunned. That was due in large part to the fact that this was a church group. In my disbelief, I took a seat on my pity/judgment pot. I can spend many hours on this contraption and justify every minute of it. I was not allowed to stay there long, in this case, because God guided me to a state of detachment from my hurt and onto a post of observation.
I heard Him say, “Don’t be angry or hurt. Be calm, observe, and learn.”
I saw people enjoying the company of those they apparently knew well. There was a heart-warming familiarity about their interactions. I was impressed with loving gestures and voice tones they offered each other. I asked God to show me what I was to learn in this situation. It was quite simple.
I was a stranger; no one offered me food or drink. I was an outsider; no one greeted me. I was the unknown person; no one tried to make me feel accepted. They were busy loving on each other, as it should be in families. But that busyness prevented them from being about the business of embracing a visitor. That is not as it should be. The most important thing I realized was that it was not by commission; it was by omission. My loving heavenly Father showed me that many times I do the same thing. I wondered how often I have been so busy that I have failed to welcome a stranger into a group. I relaxed and got on with what I came to do – teach a praise/worship dance.
After the event I left with only one “thank you” from a parishioner. On my drive home I fought the temptation to tell my friend what my experience had been at her church. Then she called to thank me and sang the praises of her fellow congregants as, “Some of the nicest people you would ever want to meet.”
I don’t know what took hold of me. I decided she needed to know how I felt in that situation. I was kind and matter-of-fact, devoid of emotion or manipulative guilt tactics. It was not appropriate to preach. Still, I knew if this had been my parish, I would want to know the honest perception of an outsider.
I do not know if my friend told her church family about my observations. That is not my business. My business is to be grateful for the enlightenment the Lord brought to me. My job is not to condemn these people, but to understand that many times I am these people.
Sometimes I don’t get the game until I am on the field. That day God put me in a position to sit in discomfort and feel invisible so I can be aware of others feeling invisible.He gave me a heart to feel joy that these people love each other. He also gave me the mental faculties to see how that can be misconstrued as closed and unwelcoming on the part of one not in the circle.
We are cautioned to beware of strangers. My lesson last week was to be aware of strangers. I praise God for the lesson I learned about being the outsider. I pray I will keep that lesson before me as I intentionally seek out and welcome strangers in my church, my community, and my world.
I daily reflect on the irony that I walked into a situation postured as a teacher, but I walked out with the insights. I intend to share what I have learned with all who will listen. I now understand that no one should stand among others feeling alone or invisible.
Copyright June 2015, Laura L. Padgett, Lakewood, CO
Connect with me, Laura Padgett, on Twitter @lauraleepadgett or my Facebook Author Page
Check out the books I have published
“Dolores, Like the River,” available at Westbow Press, Barnes & Noble, Amazon and all major online retailers. If you live in the U.S. and would like an autographed copy sent directly to you, click on the tab for buying books on my home page
The award-winning “Jesus in Shorts: Twenty-five Shorts Stories of Life-Changing Jesus Moments,” available now at Amazon and Barnes & Noble. If you live in the U.S. and would like an autographed copy sent directly to you, click on the tab for buying books on my home page. I will ship it to you after your purchase.
Thank you for this stunningly heartfelt and wise post, Laura. I was once in that position at a picnic in a new town, and have never forgotten the feeling. It taught me, like you, to be aware of the person who would so appreciate being brought into the warmth of friendship and simple human hospitality.
Thank you Gail for reading this and commenting. I am a little extrovert you know. I want to be very aware of my world. Sometimes I go like a wee top, spinning around and around. This was such a great lesson on sitting and learning the lesson. Blessings to you my Regis sis.
laura
I went through a similar experience at my own church at a ladies coffee I attended. One woman came up to me, a stranger. Our church is big so I had never seen any of these ladies but we are talking maybe 75 that day. I sit with the one that spoke. It was my first time to visit. I signed in as a first time visitor. I got an email a few days later and I was excited and it was asking me to help with a man’s dinner. They took my email to do that, but never sent a welcome, please come back. I thought about writing the women’s minister – but I didn’t. My DIL and daughter told me I should have introduced myself around the room and not waited for people to come to me. But, I too, learned a lesson that day.
Thanks for your comment. I am not a shy person and I did in fact try to introduce myself. Felt like an intruder but as you said, you learned a lesson that day too. Sometimes we all just have to see things from a new perspective. I appreciate your point. Thank you so much.